How To Include Your Kids In Your Wedding
Whether you’re eloping or having a more traditional wedding, you may be wondering how to include your kids in your wedding. Your wedding is going to be as unique as your family, and how you include your kids should reflect that. Maybe you’re a big blended family with kids of varying ages from both families. Or maybe you’re getting married after having kids. Whatever your family looks like, however you’re getting married, let’s talk about some ways your kids can be involved in your amazing day. I’ll also showcase a wedding I did with older half-siblings and younger half-siblings and how this family made sure every kid was included.

Preparing Kids
If there’s one thing we parents all know it’s that you’ve gotta prepare your kids. When you’re thinking of how to include your kids in your wedding, you should also think about how to prepare them for their jobs. Talk with them! Get them excited about what a cool, important job they’re going to have!
Another way to prep them is to talk them through how the day is going to go. If they’ll be getting ready with you, talk through the order of events. If they’re older and want to be involved in the planning, delegate a few tasks to them for them to handle. When kids feel invested, they’ll handle the day and the big feelings a lot better. Make sure to give space for them to talk through any jitters or anxiousness they may feel, too! Letting them know you feel anxious, too, can help. Talk through it together.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been part of a wedding as a kid, but it’s a big job. I still remember the pressure of being one of the flower girls in my big sister’s wedding. And if you’ve had kids of family or friends in your wedding, you know how sometimes things can go sideways, even with the best of preparation. So making sure that kids stay on their routine, especially younger kids, is vital. If they need to nap, let them nap. My mom did not let my little niece nap before my wedding and she had a total meltdown walking down the aisle. It’s very funny in retrospect, but I’m sure you can imagine that no one was happy in the moment. So make sure they’re well-rested, they’ve gotten the wiggles out, and they’ve had plenty of snacks. Snacks are key. You should also make sure you get snacks to keep those energy levels up, too.

Including Kids: The Under-10 Set
Typically, kids under 10 get designated as a flower child or a ring bearer. If you don’t see any reason to break tradition, this is a great way to include your littles. It’s right at the level that even a preschooler can follow directions and execute their very important task.
Once kids get over maybe 7 or 8, consider having them be an usher. They’re more capable of tasks like helping people find their seats, or walking Grandma to hers. They can even help walk important family members to their seats as part of the wedding party.
However you include your kids, whatever their ages, make sure it’s an age-appropriate task for them. Also consider any sensory needs when planning their attire. Is the fabric itchy, does it feel too constricting? Having them try on and help pick out their attire will also help stave off any potential power struggles on the day-of.
If you’re eloping: whatever age your kids are, make sure they understand trail etiquette. A primer (or five) on Leave No Trace is so important! Make sure they know that flowers stay in the ground and our feet need to stay on the trail so everyone can enjoy the beautiful place we’re in. We’ll go over having a designated kid wrangler later, but make sure someone can keep an eye on your little(s) during your vow exchange. A photographer who’s good at working with kids will be good at having an eye open in case they start to wander and can gently redirect them back to the action.
Including Kids: Tweens and Teens and Older
When your kids reach the tween stage, that’s when things both get more exciting and a little trickier. I’m sure we all remember being teenagers. Maybe the idea of our parents getting married or remarrying didn’t exactly make us stoked. But this is the age where you can negotiate their roles in your wedding. Maybe they want to be an usher. Maybe they’d like to be part of the wedding party. Or maybe they’re more of a behind-the-scenes kind of person and want to help coordinate vendors and make sure everything goes off without a hitch. Whatever role they want, talk through it with them and make sure it’s a role that both they can handle and you’re comfortable with them handling.


This family had their youngest kids be the flower child and ring bearer, and their older kids were part of the wedding party. Each older sibling was responsible for their younger sibling of the same gender, and helped them stay involved (and occupied) throughout the ceremony.
During the Ceremony
This is the trickiest part, especially for younger kids, but it’s absolutely doable with some planning. If your littles are preschool aged and might not make it through the ceremony, have a designated adult who can help keep them occupied.



Obviously, for pictures, you’d love for them to be up there with you if you’re including them in the wedding party, but if they’re getting antsy, having that designated adult in the audience who can occupy them will go a long way. First, it minimizes interruptions. And I don’t mean interruptions for your guests, I mean for you. Don’t forget, this is your special wedding day! You should be able to enjoy the moment, too! So if your little wants to call an audible and go sit down or play quietly off to the side with that designated adult (or tween, or teen!), let them. Remember: you’ll always have those pictures of your day for everyone to go back and remember. And when they’re older, they can see photos of themselves walking down the aisle and then colouring quietly off to the side.
After the Ceremony
If you didn’t have a designated kid wrangler for your ceremony, you’ll definitely want one for afterward. After the ceremony is usually when we do big group photos, especially if you’re doing a traditional wedding. For smaller weddings and elopements, I still like to pull my couples aside and do some photos together right afterward while you’re still glowing from the ceremony.


Even just taking a few minutes to yourselves is so important! Make sure you have someone (or a few someones!) you can trust to wrangle or keep an eye on your kids while you do photos, whenever you do them.
Including Kids In Your Photos
Speaking of photos, include your kids in them!


This is such a special day for everyone, make sure your kids get some formal photos with you, too! They’re never going to be this age again, and you’ve all put so much work into your day, don’t forget to include your kids in family photos. They don’t have to be overly posed, and they don’t have to put up with them for very long (especially if they’re little, they’ve just done a lot of mental work!), but even a handful of photos is better than no photos. And making sure you get a photographer who knows how to work with kids is vital! Someone who knows how to talk so kids will listen and who won’t feel annoyed when your kids are feeling tired or just generally Over It. Wedding days are big days for everyone! Make sure you work with someone who thinks kids are an absolute delight and knows how to keep them included and engaged.

Reception: Mental Breaks
If you’re going to have a reception after your ceremony, make sure there’s space for kids to decompress. Whether that’s a station with toys or colouring books, or a quiet corner where they can zone out, give them space. I’m sure you either remember coming home from school (or even work!) exhausted or have had your kids come home from school and just go feral; that’s because it’s a lot of work being On! And especially on a day as huge as a wedding day! So giving kids that space to take breaks where they need to will go a long way to making sure the entire day runs smoothly. Most importantly, it will save everyone from having to have power struggles. This also goes back to setting expectations for the day: they can zone out during x times but during y times, they need to be with the group and be engaged.
In Conclusion
How to include your kids in your wedding is entirely up to you. And, as I said, how you include them will be as unique as you all are. Making sure you choose a photographer who loves working with kids will also make the day so much smoother. Get on a consult call with them and tell them how you’re imagining including your kids and see how they react. Are they excited? Do they have experience working with kids? Me, I was a preschool teacher and grew up in a giant Irish-American family. If there’s one thing I know, it’s kids. So ensure that someone you want to work with will be respectful of every member of your family.